“I’ve been gon’ for a minute but I’m back with the jump off”- Lil Kim
It feels both foreign and familiar to be back in this mode. For the better part of three years, I had created this space to share my thoughts and feelings about the world around me. Deeper, my intent was to also offer insight into how I sensed God (as I understand God) might feel about those happenings. Things were going well. What I wrote resulted in meaningful conversation, opportunities to think out loud in front of others & and the privilege of being in rooms I would not have imagined for myself. Those who I admired from afar are now mentors who are close. The Lord allowed for my content to translate into currency, the site was well trafficked…things by whatever measurement you held them to were going great. And all of the sudden, everything stopped…I stopped.
Why? Why stop? What happened? In the spirit of unapologetic explanation, let me offer a few things that may color the context of my abrupt abandonment and absence.
I could talk about my bout with Covid which hospitalized me for 6 weeks and almost cost me my life or my academic pursuits which include a present matriculation at an institution in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I could tell you all about having to heal from the hurts of a failed relationship, losing a grandmother & a best friend (the latter two within weeks of each other). I could even tell you about my introversion screaming for space to think privately without having to “do” publicly. But, in truth, the real thing that was undergirding all of those factors was a clear sense that I reached the point where I didn’t feel as if I was saying anything that was valuable. I started this enterprise with the notion of crystalizing the moment we were all living through and (hopefully) providing a spiritual lens to view them through.
When I first started this, I told the person who was the impetus for the title of this blog (non-coincidentally the other party in the failed relationship) that I didn’t want to write for the sake of writing; that I wanted to write with purpose and intention hoping to land in revelation. Life kept happening and happening and happening to the point where it was harder for me to chronicle moments because I was too consumed trying to live through them. This resulted in the content being high quality (I stand behind my bars like I’m in a jail cell) but not going as deep as I would have preferred. I felt like my reflections were restatements of the obvious and not deeper ponderings of the possibilities of where we are. I have since learned that this starts with digging deeper into myself.
So…here’s the reboot! The social content & spiritual reflections will still be there (there is a lot to talk about). The morning meditations will still be there (I still have trouble sleeping…smh!) There will definitely be analysis of where we are as the church universal (I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore) But, there will also be personal thoughts and insight into how I am thinking about my own life, what I am going through, how I navigate the many hats I wear & how I exist in the world (for better or worse). My sense is that will be of just as much value as what I have done thus far. This is direction my train of thought is headed. Consider this missive as your first class ticket to ride with me. I think the ride is worth it…all aboard!
“it’s time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you”- Iyanla Vanzant
One Comment
Nicole Simpson
We are so happy to have you back. Welcome.