Make Less Of Ourselves

“Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge/I’m trying not to lose my head”-Kurtis Blow

I wanted to do something nice for myself. The week leading up to Sunday morning had been particularly long one. Meetings and ministry obligations, sick visits and symposiums, sermon prep and sudden predicaments as far as one could see on the calendar. Following a very beautiful and intense move of the Holy Spirit during our worship experience, I (in no explicitly deep type of way) was just tired.  In the name of self care (a ministry which I have recommitted myself to), I decided that the best way for me to recharge before I went home was to take myself to one of my favorite coffee shops for some much needed peace, quiet and hot chocolate. 

I arrive at the venue and am seated quickly as the shoppe has little to no other patrons there. My server was attentive while also giving me appropriate space to be still and enjoy my beverage. My hot chocolate is brought to me and is a delight to my lips as I sip it.  I eased back in my chair, took a deep, cleansing breath and offer a quiet praise to God as this moment was exactly what I needed it to be. And then…

I hear the sound of the bell chime as the shop entrance is opened. An unfamiliar voice excitedly calls out to me saying “Pastor Holmes!!! What’s going on, doc?”  I breathe deeply again…this time not in relief but in regret. This brother (whom I have never met in my life) has wrecked my moment of comfort in six words! Now I have to summon the strength to politely (but abbreviatedly) address him in the most decent & Christian way possible.

Maddened, I stand up out of my seat to shake this irritating individual’s hand and ask him how he is doing today. He tells me that he is “blessed and highly favored in the Lord” (which, for reasons still unbeknownst to me, irked my whole, entire soul). I make brief eye contact with the server who is nearby as a desperate cry for help. The server’s eyes acknowledged the awkward answer but replied “Sorry, sir…you’re on your own”.

The gentleman proceeded to tell me about himself. He shared with me how watches our church every week via livestream and how much he loves my preaching and our ministry at the church. Humbled by the compliment but seeing the opportunity to hurry back to my happy place, I thank him for the sentiment, give God credit for anything of value rendered through me and let him know that it was a pleasure to meet him as I lower myself back into my seat. Non-observantly, he reads this as an invitation to sit down and continue conversing. 

Note: I cannot share the words that were on my mind in this moment for fear of compromising my Christian witness. I invite you to hold whatever you may presume I thought and felt to be true.

The brother tells me that he himself is a preacher; that he has been preaching for about a year and a half at his place of worship as a associate minister. He further shares that his pastor (who I happen to know and have good relationship with) is too “old school” for his taste, is threatened by his anointing & is blocking his growth in ministry by not giving him more opportunities to furnish the Word of God. I respond to him by saying that this issue is something that should be brought up with his pastor and that I pray that an accord may be found between them (“for where two or three are gathered”…you know the rest). 

I told myself the conversation was over and grab my cup of hot chocolate to take a sip only to find that it is now cold as the shoulder I am about to give this man for stomping on my serenity. As I get ready to close the conversation, the brother says “You know? You need to let me come over to your church…you put me up to preach, I promise I’ll shout em’, Doc. You ain’t never heard preaching like mine!”. He then proceeds to hand me a card with a QR code on it. The QR code was to a site where a video of him preaching was posted. I had had enough!  

I thanked him for even offering me the card, explained to him that I don’t feel led of the Holy Spirit to invite him at this time & that I will pray for his ministry as well as the apparent disconnect between his pastor and he. I then excused myself from his presence and the coffee shop letting him know that I was grateful to have made his acquaintance (which, in retrospect, was an unintentional lie). 

As I drove off toward my home (where no one can abruptly bother me), I couldn’t help but feel curiosity and concern for the current landscape of ministry. The truth is that he is not the first person who has approached me that way. In fact, I observe this to be a prevalent practice with many (not all) clergy inside of the church universal. Where success within the thing is more of a priority than the sacredness of the thing & success is measured secularly. Presently, there are scores of ministers who validate the viability of their ministry the same way they do their Instagram accounts; by likes, tweets, popularity and recognition. The biggest problem with this is that most of the real, redemptive, transformative, impactful work of the Gospel does not result in these things. To chase renown is to run away from what God has called us to.

When did the call stop being enough? Has the commodification and celebrity of our culture intoxicated those called to the ministry of Jesus Christ? Do the aspirations of those who claim anointing point toward modest ministry or delusional discipleship? Are these narcissistic, self centered, self-aggrandizing tendencies learned behaviors observed from trusted spaces? Are our ministries Spirit-led or personality driven?

With relation to our call to the Gospel ministry, where we are headed should never be more important than where God has us now. We who are blessed and burdened by the call ought not ever “arrive”. Rather, all we do, say, impart and impact should be done with a modesty that says “I am grateful to God for being here because I do not deserve to be.” The center of attraction must always be the LORD.

Humility and a heart for God would have been more refreshing to me than the quiet and the cocoa. Before I went to bed, I prayed that the Lord continue to shield me from my ego & keep me humble that I may be of use to God in ministry. May we ministers move in meekness; making less of ourselves so that those whom we serve see more of our God.

“For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” – Luke 14:11