Complicated Compassion: Why We Have To Walk Away From R. Kelly (If You Haven’t Already Done So)

On yesterday evening, the television network, Lifetime, began a 4 part series entitled “Surviving R. Kelly”. The show offers perspective and insight into the life of the famed R & B artist for which it is named. More significantly, the program also offers testimonials from numerous women who have been in relationship (both professional and personal) with R. Kelly. As I listened to these sisters courageously convey their different stories and experiences, a very common thread appeared to run through them all: respect & regard from them that was met with abusive behavior from him. While we may not know how much truth is in the stories that are shared, these accounts, in many ways, confirm what has been a longstanding narrative of pedophilia and misconduct that has followed R. Kelly all of his career.

As these women shared the specifics of their suffering for the world to witness, their pain resonated with viewers all around the world, myself included. I found myself shaken by the accounts given; often questioning how this level of mistreatment was even conceivable by another human being. For many of those who watched the telecast, the program became very personal as there are many who may have never met R. Kelly, but have had to survive abuse from someone else they knew by name.

The fallout from this program has left much of the national landscape in a very unique and divided place. Some felt compassion for these women believing that no one, under any circumstance, should ever have to deal with this type of torture. Others believe that the women on the show were exaggerating and would not have had to deal with the arduousness of abuse had they just conducted themselves differently. Some leapt to the defense of R. Kelly and justified his conduct by stating that it happens in so many other areas of life (with little to no backlash) so it must be alright. They defend R. Kelly believing that he is being made to be the poster child of sexual misconduct/abuse

Tangent: we do good to consider why the knee jerk reaction (for many) to a man suffering is to defend him, while the knee jerk reaction (for many) to a woman suffering is to blame her. Sexism.

In developing opinions about what was being shown, some blame the parents of those who have been victimized for rearing their children in miscreant ways & there are even some who suggest that this show is another attempt to destroy the legacy of another powerful black man in the entertainment industry.

I could write at least 3 or 4 different articles regarding the logic (or lack thereof) of these arguments, but as I think through this phenomenon (and what our role in it, as Christians, ought be), I find my soul continually being led to Isaiah 1:17 where the Bible teaches us, as followers of the faith, to “defend the oppressed”. Oppression faciliated by your favortie singer still counts as oppression. The questions that should arise in the mind of Christians that have seen this show should not be questions of the integrity of the women or the intent of the one accused. One of the dimensions of our faith, one of the characteristics of our call that makes our witness tangible to the outside world, is our proclivity to stand on the side of what is right before God. What we should be asking is “What does justice look like in the lives of these women?” As these children of God have been oppressed, what does ‘defending them’ look like? The question we should be asking ourselves is “In God’s eyes, what is the right thing to do?”

In order to protect the integrity of the faith we hold so dear, we must be able to move past those things which are abhorrent to the Almighty regardless of our affinity for them. Simply put, we must love what our God loves and despise what our God despises. No matter how much of R. Kelly’s music we like, how meaningful his music may have been to our lives, no matter what sentimentality we may feel toward him and his apparent issues, in this moment our allegiance must not be to R. Kelly. Instead, it must be to every woman who has been affected by his obloquious conduct. We must be compassionate enough to collectively distance ourselves from him. This separation does not signify an absence of love. Rather, it personifies the most complicated type of compassion; the type of compassion that does what is right even when the intensity of that compassion would have you do otherwise.

You can love R. Kelly and not condone his conduct at the same time. What we cannot allow ourselves to do is give him a pass because of how deeply our emotions for his art (and for him) run through us. We cannot make excuses for him in the name of love (no pun intended).

History will not only remember our statements on suffering but also the decisions that we made while in the face of it. Our nation, and the world for that matter, are beginning to redefine their thinking around the way in which we affirm the agency of women. Part of that progression must be to allow our sisters to determine what appropriate conduct is for themelves and not impose patriarchial perspectives upon them. Our support for those who have come forward (and for the countless others who may not have) is to stand with them. No judgement…no criticism…no chastisement. Just righteousness because it is right.

It may be the case that complicated compassion will provide R. Kelly the silent space to have a transformative experience with the Holy Spirit that helps him to conquer his demons (I pray that this happens for him). In the name of our God & every single woman who has been hurt by this man, we need to engage in complicated compassion. We need to love R. Kelly enough to leave him alone.